Week Eight, Day 2
Thursday, August 31st, 2023
POST-RUN MORTUM
Time Running: 38 minutes
Distance Achieved: 2.61 miles
Tunage: Hadestown, I’m seeing it next week, alright, so get off my back already
For the first time on FatGirl5K, I bring you, a conversation with Colby Moore:
Ally Bo, AKA Fat Girl 5K: Colby Moore!
Colby Moore: Yeah?
FG5K: How you doing today?
CM: I’m good.
FG5K: How has this week been in general for us?
CM: It’s been great. It’s been stress-free-
FG5K: -not a problem or a care, right?
CM: -no bumps in the road whatsoever.
FG5K: Absolutely. Colby Moore, what did we just do?
CM: Well, we did two different things; I biked, and you ran.
FG5K: Yeah! How’d that go for you?
CM: I think it was easier for me to bike than it was for you to run. Maybe not though?
FG5K: No, I think that’s a pretty fair assessment.
CM: You were ahead of me at one point.
FG5K: Well, yeah, but I don’t think it’s because I was faster than the bike. I think you were being very gracious and-
CM: -slash very scared and cautious of falling on a rock. Definitely thought about that. Should you explain what our week has been like?
FG5K: Well, in my previous post, I did speak about the car and Pete, but-
CM: -no more emergency visits.
FG5K: No more emergency visits. We did find out that our car is, in fact, totaled, and I gotta say, I almost…I almost didn’t go on this run today. We got the news about our car kind of right in the middle of me getting ready to go, and I really didn’t feel like doing this today. I wanted no part of it. I wanted to just sort of go to the lake at the end of our house in CT and float for a while and wallow in self-pity. But, Colby Moore, being all that is kind and good, said that he would come with me to do this very special ride today. And I’m very grateful for you, Colby Moore.
CM: Thank you. I think I did ok on the bike for someone –
FG5K: -you did awesome on the bike.
CM: Last time I rode the bike was in the city.
FG5K: Absolutely. And this is a mountain bike with, like, proper shocks.
CM: Yeah.
FG5K: You did great. Would you come back on Saturday with me?
CM: I’ll consider it.
FG5K: He’ll consider it! That’s good enough for me. It really is. I feel like I had another question to ask you and I don’t remember what it was…. What did you think of the route?
CM: Well, it was…it was really two routes. It was a very flat, you know, man-made bike path-
FG5K: Mmhmm-
CM: -followed by…I wouldn’t say it was a treacherous off-road path. It was treacherous for someone like me who never rides.
FG5K: You did a great job, though, you-
CM: But I got the hang of it; by the end of it I wasn’t afraid of going down the little rocky parts.
FG5K: You did a great job. Do you think it’s as, um, secluded and scary as my mom has made this out to be in her mind?
CM: I…don’t. I think parts of it towards, on the part in the woods, you know, not…it’s not my favorite place for you to be alone.
FG5K: Right.
CM: But there were other people alone.
FG5K: Well, and to be fair-
CM: They were just as fast as you are-
FG5K: Right, and to be fair, I – and I said this to you when we had just finished the run/ride – that it took infinitely less time than I remember it taking. This route, granted, we started maybe like a quarter mile away from the high school, but we couldn’t start at the high school because classes are in session, and we couldn’t just, like, be two adults dropped off in a car, one on a bike, one chunky and running, we couldn’t do that while school was in session, so we had my dad drop me off, drop us off, at, um, the entrance to the….the heritage bike trail.
CM: We got a tractor coming at us.
FG5K: We got a tractor coming at us! Um, but it took infinitely less time which is why we spent time in the woods, because I really thought the run from where we started to where we came out by the boat dock was going to take 40 minutes. Hi dad!
Dad: Hello! How was it?
FG5K: It was good. Now my dad has picked us up. What a day.
What a thrilling little moment that was! For sure the most gripping interview you’ve ever read, I know. You’re welcome. Thank you, Colby Moore, and Dad for being a part of this week’s journey.
Look at my guy! LOOK AT HIM!!! 10/10 total stunner whom I love.
I meant what I said in my little conversation with Colby, though, I did not want to go on this run today. We found out that our car is, in fact, totaled, and we are just trying to deal with the fallout of that. Lump this in with Pete’s vet scare earlier in the week and a rather severe exposure to COVID, our nerves are all kind of shot on what was meant to be a relaxing vacation. But Colby, to his credit, at the height of my doom spiraling when I said I didn’t want to go, offered to come with me. And wowzers am I glad that he did because this run turned out to be a fucking delight.
Today, I ran the path that I used to take almost every day after school when I rowed crew. I know. Me. ME. Doing a sport in high school. It doesn’t make sense. And there was even a moment where I would take my glasses off to get into the boat, and I imagine I was just a little bit prettier without them, and I would walk down the dock with “Kiss Me” echoing in the breeze. How very John Hughes, right?
To be completely honest, I don’t really know why I joined the crew team. I have no memory of that moment where I was like, “Yeah, you know what, I’m going to join a high school sports team.” That memory does not exist within me. Like I’ve said, me and sports have always been a bit contentious, but, like I’ve also said, me and water are simpatico for life. I think I was also drawn to the fact that this is a sport you can do while sitting down 🤷🏻♀️. I mean, sign me up for that, amiright? So, yeah, I signed up, and I was really excited. But then I found out that we had to run to get to the river, and suddenly, I felt like I had made a terrible mistake. As someone who walked every mile in gym class, I avoided running at all costs. And, as I mentioned, to find a sport that combined my love of sitting and water, I felt a bit bamboozled by this little mandatory warm-up. If you had a car, meaning if you were an upperclassman, you could drive to the river, but you weren’t allowed to take any of us underlings. Just our bags so we weren’t further destroying our spines with 75lbs worth of books in either a JanSport or LLBean backpack.
Now, when I ran this route for crew, we began at the high school, leaving from the back entrance to our gymnasium. We would cross the fields as a massive hoard of simmering hormones, past the field hockey girls who were simultaneously so supportive and incredibly intimidating – I think it was their sticks. Those things were hefty – into a little patch of suburbia before finding the entrance to the Heritage Bike Path. I was always at the back of this group, a placement that I made by choice because if you start at the back, no one has to see you fall behind. Life lesson? Perhaps. Sad? PERHAPS. But it served me well.
The runs weren’t so bad. They really weren’t. I even came to enjoy my time on the trail and then through the little footpath along the river. The funniest part of it all was that this was before iPods were readily available, so I would run with my Walkman1, even if it meant that I had to hold it flat in my palm as I ran, like some sort of butler serving Champaign, because god forbid the cd skipped!? Tragedy. But these runs were great. I walked a lot it, once the rest of the team had sprinted off and away, and then would pick up my pace during the last leg of the path, you know, to make it look like I was “putting in the effort,” as Coach Butterfield would say. It is wild to me though, rediscovering this route. It was SO SHORT. I truly thought it was going to take the full 40 minutes to get to the boat lunch from where we started, and again, I think it’s because in high school, I walked most of it and was likely singing along to whatever cast album or mix was handy at the time, but Colby and I made it to the launch in about 15 minutes 😬. Fifteen. Minutes. Wild. And was only about 1.57 miles. WILD.
But truthfully? I would have rualked (run/walked of course) 6 miles, hell, 10 miles if it meant I could get into that boat.
There was something magical about rowing crew. About how it is simultaneously a team and solo sport. You row with your mates, but you are also rowing against yourself, against your mind, pushing yourself past what you think you are capable of because there are eight other people in the boat with you. And the rhythm of it, oooh baby, the way you move and flow and pull and feel that hitch when the oars catch the water to propel you further, faster. You glide on the surface, weightless and powerful, an elegant machine of muscle and sheer willpower. It’s fucking magical. I miss it to this day.
And I was good at it. Like, pulling varsity boys’ times on my erg trials good at it. My hips don’t lie, they hurt like a motherfucker right now, but they don’t lie, and they are connected to thighs that I believe could push a truck if they had to, and I was a goddamn beast. People would try to beat my times and fail. Senior year, I was voted to be captain, but due to a technicality brought forward by Megan Lynch – high school bully whose name I will not change, sue me if you want, I don’t care you were awful to me for six years, hope you’re thriving ✌️ – I couldn’t accept because ironically I had done the spring play the year before and you needed two seasons each of fall and spring under your belt to qualify for captain. Was I pissed I didn’t get the letterman’s jacket with a C on it? Sure. Did I feel this incredible wave of confused pride that I, a plus-sized bebé with MINUMAL hand-eye coordination, was good enough at a sport that people thought I should be a leader?!?! One thousand percent. And, you know, it’s an honor just to be nominated.
But seriously. Crew was this thing that I had in my life, outside of theater in a totally different vein, that made me feel worthy. And good. Especially at a time when those two feelings were very elusive and short-lived.
In rowing, we have what’s called a power ten. I’ve referenced it several times, and I’m sure other sports have something similar. I don’t even have to Google to know that there is likely some running equivalent, but my power ten will always harken back to the water. To when you’ve been rowing for five miles and the other team is creeping on you. You’re tired and sore. If you pull too hard, you could catch a crab2, and your oar could smack you in the face, likely breaking bones and your boat’s stride. If you give up, the competition glides past you to the finish line, and you can’t let that happen. So you focus up. Your muscles strain, your brain tells you you can’t, but then you keep moving anyway.
Everything has to be balanced.
You feel it coming.
Your coxswain is screaming at you.
Beautiful, horrible things.
Motivating you with their words and energy.
You see the tip of the other team’s bow, edging into your frame.
And then, your coxswain calls it, like you knew they would:
POWER TEN GIRLS GIVE ME TEN STROKES HARD AS YOU CAN LET’S GO GO GO
THATS ONE
Pull harder.
TWO, COME ON LADIES PULL
Push harder, feet straining in your shoes.
THREE LET’S FUCKING GO
Oars, breath, flow.
FOUR, FIVE, GIVE ME SIX THAT’S RIGHT
Concentrate on the head in front of you.
SEVEN
You are one single unit.
EIGHT
The other team cannot touch you
NINE, LET’S GO WE ARE RIGHT THERE FUCKING GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT
It’s just you, the boat, your team
TEN FUCKING A LADIES YEA LET’S GO STRAIGHT TO THE FINISH TAKE THEM DOWN
You give the boat, the river, your teammates everything you have, and for ten strokes, you feel like a god.
And then you glide over the finish line as the other team’s boat trails in after yours.
The feeling of that is….it’s hard to describe. Powerful doesn’t feel quite big enough, because it’s like when we would hit that stride, something would come over all of us, and we slipped into a beast mode I don’t think anyone on that boat knew they had. And maybe off the water, without eight other people pulling you along, maybe we didn’t. Maybe that’s what made that team, that experience, so singular. It’s something I’ve been chasing my whole adult life. This elusive power ten and the god-like power that surged through me.
I’ve been implementing these bursts into my runs. It is nowhere near the same at all, for this is just me on that pavement, and I don’t have the energy of the water helping me to glide through, but the purpose is there. I hear the voice of the coxswain in my ears, telling me to dig for it, to push through it, all the way to the finish line, to take them down, and it makes me run faster. My heels make full contact with the pavement and I can feel every muscle and tendon in my foot until my toes once again push off. If I could sustain those bursts, make them last longer, I have no doubt that I could run this whole thing in under 30 minutes. But damn if my stamina just isn’t there yet. And that’s ok. The bursts are what they are, and they’re there for when they’re there. Wow. Eloquent writing, I know, but it’s true. My goal for the 29th is to work in at least five of these bursts. That might be too much, and I’m looking forward – god help me for committing this to the page – to the free runs, because I think it’s going to really help me shape what this run is going to look like. I’m already thinking about what music I’d like to have in my ears, the playlist that I will hopefully have curated to find the natural rise and fall of my stamina. I can tell you right now, “Wait For Me” reprise is FOR SURE in the mix. When Eva starts singing at the end, it is not only a fucking banger, but it’s the perfect length for said power ten. I’m just saying.
So, yeah. This week has been chaotic as all hell, and it’s making me sad that we are more than halfway through it. There is a lot Colby and I had planned to do that was thwarted by one of those weeks that the universe just really loves to throw at us right now. But today, I got to rediscover something from my past that made me feel really good about myself. And I don’t think this will come as a shock to you by now, but there’s not a ton from my past that can make me feel that. Especially not in regard to my physical abilities. I take that as a massive win. Also, the fact that I got Colby on a bike? Huge fucking win right there.
May you all find your power ten, wherever it may be, and may you feel like the powerful warrior that you are because of it. Give me ten, y’all, all the way to the finish line.
- A Walkman, for those of you who may not know, is a portable CD player that was usually lightweight and a little bigger than the size of your palm. It came with headphones, the kind you’re still likely to get on a plane, you know the ones; cheap plastic and cushy foam over the ears. Now, a CD is what is known as a compact disc, a thin chromium colored disc that you could upload music onto directly from your computer. You could also buy them at a store like Strawberry, Virgin Records, Borders, and Barnes & Noble. ↩︎
- To catch a crab means that your oar hits the water at a weird angle and you likely lose control of it. If you’re quick enough, you can catch the handle and divert the force of it into your abdomen, but I’ve seen it take people’s teeth out and break ocular bones and noses. Crew, bb. Hardcore AF. ↩︎
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